MAN GIVES BIRTH

ON THE A LINE

It’s true. I was there.

I’m the man who gave

birth on the A train.

In fact, I give

birth on a regular basis.

I tend to conceive

on public transit.

Something about the proximity

to all that humanity

I find very stimulating.

I’m a fertile person.

As I write this

I’ve had to pull

over to the side

of the road

and have one off

in the ditch.

No use dialing 911.

I’m having it

(let’s just call it it)

because

I must have it.

I want to have it.

Unless maybe

it’s having me.

Either way we

have each other.

I tell my young:

You are

the axe I bring

to the frozen sea

inside me.

If that’s true

then this is how

I hum

new life into being;

by singing my body

eclectic.

My offspring arrive

as something wild

in an otherwise

homogeneous

world.

Sometimes

while doing

mundane chores

they insist

on drawing

their first breath.

Standing at the kitchen sink

washing a plate

I’ll suddenly find myself

crowning,

needing to drop

whatever I’m doing

to accommodate

the new arrival.

When I come to,

I see this broad shouldered

bottle of JOY

watching over my labor

like a butch guard

giving me side eye.

I’ve learned to expect

no mercy from

household objects.

They’ll never know

the miracle of motherhood

let alone fatherhood.

My little ones aren’t clones,

I tell myself

standing there

as my water

breaks in

acquiescence

to my own

bundle of joy.

Then there was that time

on the Express train,

so stiflingly hot

the car smelled

like a stable, when

a “blessed event”

materialized

out of nowhere

as I was surrounded

by strap hangers.

I read the car

as one reads a room

taking in

a motley crew

of blank faces staring

at their phones

blissfully unaware

of me or my contractions:

There was this heavy-set man

eating an over-stuffed bagel,

he certainly couldn’t be bothered,

then this lawyerly dude

wearing headphones

practicing how NOT to

“BE HERE NOW”,

a teenager with a skateboard

leaning against the door

not minding the gap,

and this girl with too much make-up on

mesmerized by her spectral reflection

in the fleeting light of passing cars,

all while my shallow breath

enacted its makeshift Lamaze.

Only a bug-eyed kid

holding onto his mother’s

hand for dear life

seemed to see me,

gawking at me as if

he were ringside at the circus

watching a clown get stomped

by an elephant.

Children don’t turn away

from such things.

I wouldn’t have.

Still, was the subway

in August

any place for

the miracle of birth?

I think not.

Even so, with each new conception

I feel a sense of pride I am unable

to muster for myself alone.

Don’t think I haven’t wondered

what carnal knowledge

results in so

much fecundity.

For all intents and purposes

these are immaculate conceptions.

I could be

being impregnated

in my sleep.

Things happen in the dark.

For all we know the Gods

invented sleep

for the chance

to ravage

a blinkered consciousness.

Maybe we’re all just fish

in the barrel of night.

Thankfully, giving birth

gives my life a kind of

Herculean meaning.

I’ve become so accustomed

to labor and delivery

I could…give Amazon

a run for its money.

One of my favorite things

about the whole messy business

is naming

each new arrival.

I’ve always been a title man.

Feeling parental,

I feel the need to

prepare my little ones

for the indignities and

injustices of the world.

Of course I want them

to be good,

to be admired,

to be loved by

any persons

who find themselves

in their company

and so I carefully

shape them,

dress them in

the colors that show

them at their best.

Even when they resist,

insisting on their own autonomy,

I listen and weigh

my ragged wisdom

against their

effortless purity

hoping to find

some middle ground.

Still, I can't keep

molding them in

my own image.

At some point

they will have to

live in this world

on their own;

maybe even meet

with some resistance

or cause confusion

for those who prefer

explanation over EXPLORATION;

in other words

cold facts over warm fictions.

I read in Plato’s Symposium,

that Plato wrote to Socrates:

“All human beings are

pregnant both in body

and in soul, and when

we come of age, we

naturally desire to give

birth.”

I’ll go one further.

We all give birth to ourselves,

every day, every hour,

in every moment.

Oh, and by the way, the word

Symposium in Greek?

Means: drinking party.

Maybe Plato was drunk

when he wrote that.

Either way,

If asked how

I manage,

a single man giving birth

alone in the world,

I’d simply say

I’ve no control over

when or where

inspiration strikes

or when inception occurs,

but what I do know

is that my progeny

springs from the unlikely loins

of a poor man's

Apollo.