When Not to Think

Never think in the woods.

And for God’s sake stop thinking in traffic while driving.

It’s actually not good to think while chewing food.

Never think while climbing a tree.

Do not think when petting a cat. They prefer you don’t.

Never think at night when you go to bed.

Do not think while smelling a flower.

Do not think with a toad in your hand.

Never think when staring at a sunset.

It’s best to do away with thoughts when washing your hair and bathing.

Try taking off your thoughts as you take off your clothes.

Never think about eating when you’re cleaning a commode.

Don’t think thoughts in a high wind.

Don’t think while doing chores, like washing dishes or watering plants.

Definitely do not think if you’re being tortured. 

Case in point: don’t think about your life in the dentist chair under anesthesia. 

Don’t let thoughts wander while painting a picture. 

Drawing a picture is something else entirely.

Don’t think when having a photo taken, as it reduces frowns.

Resist thoughts when preparing a meal, especially breakfast for two.

Never ever think while kissing.

Don’t think when operating heavy machinery unless its to do with operating procedure.

Do not think while napping.

Resist random thoughts while pumping iron.

Never think while having sex.

Don’t think about other things when you sing. 

In other words, you are the world

and to enter fully into that world,

its best to lose yourself.

1/28/22