I Sleep So You Can Live

“I sleep so you will be alive.”

                        ~Louise Gluck

These are the only adventures left.

The ones I surrender to.

I let you have them, because,

you deserve your capacities.

Who am I to tell you no?

I’m as trapped as anyone

in NYC during the pandemic

and you are my etiquette-less 

inside voice that won’t be quelled.

Live for me, for both of us.

Though we’ll never meet,

I’m able to remember you.

You who do what I cannot.

For instance, last night you swam

inside the waves of the ocean

while I rode shotgun above,

a water-tight hull separating

us both from our natures.

Yet you go on

braving the drink.

I live too cautiously

as if afraid of drowning

while you act out your

liquid legacies in spite

of my affinity for dry land.

Why do I need to be

 stripped of pretense

before you start living it up?

In hindsight, you owe me.

Then again, we use each other.

I bear the weight of your qualities

while you reap the rewards

of who I thought I was.

I marvel how you can

live so much of who I am

in a night with no need 

for darkness.

And so I let myself become

that space that welcomes

your every experience 

despite my better

judgement.

Peter Valentyne

January 24th, 2021

Courtesy of Hitchcock's Spellbound

 

The Purpose of Trying Times

When the intelligence you’ve made your God fails you.

Trade your cleverness for bewilderment

and know awe.

When circumstances appear dire and immovable.

You have painted yourself into the corner 

of a room without walls.

When you discover your “things” cannot save you.

Understand that the art of choosing 

is only half of the history of choice.

When pride in yourself is shaken by personal loss.

It becomes possible to awaken to spirit over matter.

When faith in your fellow man feels misplaced.

Know that the greatest strength worth having 

comes from within.

When all you pinned your hopes on fails.

You’ve reduced the meaning and purpose 

of life to autobiography.

When expectations do not yield results hoped for.

Lower them and see what wonders arise.

When all you want to do is scream.

Go ahead and cry for what you want like a baby,

then prepare to grow wise.

When life seems so unfair you think there is no justice.

Know that karmic justice is often invisible to the eye.

When you think no one can help and nothing can be done.

Realize the ability to observe without evaluating 

is a step toward self-reliance.

When life seems to gradually take all you cherish away.

You may see the shadow of sentimentality 

conceals a cruelty towards oneself and others.

When you haven’t enough energy to muster a smile.

Say a prayer of gratitude for anything.

When you believe society around you is slowly collapsing.

Become a pillar or cornerstone on the inside.

When you can’t find love within or without.

Perhaps you’ve mislabeled a honey pot

for a jar of poison. 

When you feel so vulnerable you fear for your safety.

You’re right where the universe wants you: 

awake and aware.

Peter Valentyne

January 5th, 2020

 

Courtesy of Cocteau's Orpheus

Psalm for

a Rainy Afternoon 

My shaman, sheikh, healer, minister, 

on seeing something rolling downhill 

towards us, threw our train 

in the most graceful reverse 

so that though we braced for impact 

we never felt it.

Then my master, Jesus, archangel, 

questioned me as to how I understood 

the world and why I wasn't afraid to be 

up and out at 3:00 AM

observing his dangers.

Please stay with me, I love you,

I said admittedly from 

the vantage point

of a sea of purple impatiens,

blissfully unaware that

a wall-like tide of water 

was about to enter the Hudson

and certain to change 

the topography 

of every Cole Porter song 

I’d ever been asked to sing,

even as I was arranging 

to become my own 

search engine, 

the password of which

was always: 

quantum.

So this is how I’ve

come to accept

the pain that comes

with every little thing 

I do, 

especially

during those chores

of recompense and

comeuppance.

And now I’ve put

today aside

(as my horoscope advised)

for listening

for new 

revelations 

to break through,

as one might say...

like a kiss

that leaves 

it's own

beautiful bruise.

Peter Valentyne

January 3rd, 2021